I am totally at a lost in
reguards to communicating with my ex. If I am lucky he will answer any emails I send him with in a week of being sent. I try not to call him, unless it is a very time critical issue. He can never give me an answer right then, and if he does agree to something, he forgets about it when the actual time does come up. If I put something in the suitcase for him I tell him it is there before he even picks up the sprouts for that night from daycare. He will stick items in the suitcase for me, and I will never know they are there unless I go
thru it. I came upon the new insurance card that way. I am not sure how long it had been in the suitcase. I have asked him to let me know when he does put stuff in the suitcase so I am aware of it.
I am at a point where I just rather not talk to him at all. Which is not good because of the sprouts. When he sends me emails I just read them and do not acknowledge that I got them anymore. Seems like lately he just sends me emails to let me know what I am not doing with the sprouts. This from a person that does not have much room to talk, but I do not fire back at him anymore. Waste of my time, and very pointless as well. Someday I may figure it all out. Until then I guess I will just have to take it one day at a time.
1 comment:
I have been in your shoes, and while I know you already know this, I am going to remind you...HE IS PUSHING YOUR BUTTONS. Sounds like you are already figuring out how to deal, by not responding. Here is my advice, worth whatever you think of it...
First breath, counting to ten works with crappy ex's as well as misbehaving children. In the case of ex's it works because it really throws them off when you don't respond the way they are expecting you to.
Second, kill em with kindness. When you find something in the suitcase, send him a thank you note for it. Again, he will be wondering what is up and when the other shoe is going to fall.
Finally, never let him see you sweat. Keep it together until he is gone and then call a friend and unload of them. The benefit will far outweigh the momentary high blood pressure.
Remember that it takes two to fight, and if you refuse to jump at the bait and argue with him over whatever he wants to try and get to you with he'll just have to learn to fight with himself. He might even get bored with you and go pick on someone else.
Please don't interpert any of this to mean be weak, give in, or put up with his crap. It is just the opposite. Set your boundries and calming remind him of them as he tries to step on them. "I'm sorry, but I am feeling like this conversation is getting us nowhere. We need to end it for now and we can re-address on _____."
I know this is easy for me to say, since I am not dealing with your ex. Even though it was twenty-two years ago, I can still recall the very first time I did this with my ex. I had just purchased a new (used) van (to transport HIS children with no less) and when he saw it he started to go off on me about spending HIS child support in such a wasteful manner. Something in me snapped. I looked him staight in the eye, said to him, "You are entitled to your opinion," and shut the door in his face. It was the beginning of him treating me with much more respect than he ever had when I was married to him, and the beginning of me feeling empowered and able to stand on my own two feet.
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