Homework Assignment!?!

Friday night I had an appointment with my Venting Specialist (Counselor). She gave me homework to do, which I am not that keen on this assignment. She knows I will most likely do the assignment, which sucks from my end. :) She is usually right all the time, which I hate as well. She gets a kick out of it though. :)

The homework I have to do is on Forgiveness. You see I still have not really forgiven my former spouse for all of the infidelity, lies, and pain he has done to me over the 13yrs of marriage. It has been 2yrs since I filed for a divorce and 1 1/2yrs since it has been final, and I rather just remain angry about things, than to let them go and move on. WHY? (I hate that as a follow up question!!!! :) ) I have no idea why I keep the anger. Is it because I think he will get his way again like he always did? Is it because I am still holding out for an apology for all the hurt that I never did get? And if I did get one now, I would not believe that it has sincerity with it anyways.

Why is forgiving so hard to do? I think it is kind of like giving in, either way I lose. I know that is not what it is meant for. I have to be ok with forgiving him, and convincing myself that what he did was not ok, but it is ok for me to release to him from all the stuff that he did to me, i.e. the lies, hurt, and the adultery. Yeah right, I am going to get right on that.

In all reality, I will be working on it. It is about time to move a step up on the recovery ladder. To bad I have a slight fear of heights.....lol.