Tuesday, December 20, 2005
It is time to move on!
It has been over a year since the divorce has been final, and I think it is time for me to move onward and upward to bigger and better things. I still have a lot of "healing" to do yet, and it is time to get moving on that. He has wasted no time in getting remarried in that years time, and I am ok with that. I know for sure now that I do not have to have a plan in place for that possible instance he might have a change of heart and actually admit that he was wrong and want to make things right. That was a lot of weight that was actually lifted off of me when he got remarried. Everyone has hope about one thing or another. I will admit that I had a lot of hope in the beginning that things would turn around between us, and as time moved on, he showed me that I really didn't need that hope, because that is not what he wanted anyways.
So, what do I need to do to move on? It is time to work on forgiveness. Something I have been avoiding for quite sometime. I apparently would just rather be angry and bitter, but that is just very good for me to be that way. I am not angry and bitter about all that he did against me, the extracurricular activities he did, I could get past that. I am angry and bitter now about his responsibilities as a father, or lack there of. When you say you want to see the kids more than what is scheduled for you to see them, but do not go out of your way to make time for that. Then he can go for an entire week without seeing them, or even calling them. When he does have them for the weekend, he still has other stuff planned for himself with no regards for the kids. You know what, I am ok with that now. That is the way he is and that is the way he will always be. Unfortunately the kids will see that someday as well. It will not stop me from being there for the kids. My schedule is constantly done around the kids schedule first. His lack of engagement with the kids does not stop me from praying for him either. I just pray everyday that he is the best father that he knows how to be.
Since the first step is to admit things, I think that is done. It is time to move on and actually work on the rest of the forgiveness. In the end I will be a better person for it.
On a side note, I got an email from his wife at lunch time today. Normally, my blood boil and the hair would stand on the back of my neck, if I knew anything had to do with her. I actually opened it and read it. She just wanted to know if the facility that misinformed them last week called me. She emphasized that she meant nothing negative about the email. I actually sent her back a nice reply. Was very hard to do, but I did it.
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