Happy New Year!!!

I hope everyone has a better new year than the last year. I know for me I am looking forward to a new and better year. It can only get better. I get to celebrate the new year with the kids this year, since their father apparently doesn't know that it is his holiday to have them, and he probably has plans already since his is not tied down with the kids anymore. That is fine with me, I will gladly bring in the new year with them, since I really did not get to bring in Christmas with them until noon. I will always hang out with them. They have talked me into free swimming with them during their swim lessons. They are in two different classes which are back to back, so I get to spend one on one time with each of them in the pool playing. It is kind of nice. I do not get much one on one time with them. They love it too. I am looking forward to tomorrow, my family is finally having our Christmas together tomorrow afternoon, then we will all celebrate together tomorrow night at mom and dads house. Mom and dad already have plans else where so we have free reign of the house. Works well for us, large house, lots of room for the 6 and two 3 year olds to run around with the 11 year old to supervise them from time to time. If we feel like it we can drink and not have to worry about driving anywhere later either. The only thing we worry about is the kids outlasting us at the end of the evening. Eventually they go to sleep. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

A Timely Friend!

After I had been up all night finishing the stainglass projects I had to complete, I got ready to take on the very long day I had ahead of me, on little to no sleep in the past few days. I go up to my parents to take pictures of the glass projects before getting them ready for my aunt to pick them up for her christmas with her family. Both pieces were for her sons. I head into town to meet a lady from my church for lunch. She is actually my sunday school teacher as well. She has been trying to meet with me for awhile, and this is about the only time our schedules would allow us to do so. Which my mom was not that thrilled because she had a house to finish getting ready for a wedding reception the next day and really wanted me to help her do, which I promised her I would. But appearantly my time frame and her time frame were not the same, and she will get over it. So, we meet for lunch at a local restuarant and had a great time. We talked about a lot of different stuff going on in each of our lives. It was nice to just get out for a bit. I stopped at another friends house on the way back to my parents. We had not seen each other in awhile, and her birthday was the next day and she is going in for surgery on friday, so I wanted to pop in real quick and wish her the best on her surgery, and a happy birthday. So, now I am at my parents house of which I have to clean the carpets. She had asked me to clean them for her a few weeks ago, and I had already done some of them already, just not the heavily traveld parts. After about 3 hours the carpets are clean and my sleepless night is catching up with, not to mention the stiff muscle I have in my neck from working on the glass pieces. So, I sit in my dads massage chair and fall asleep for about an hour I think. When I woke up everyone was gone to the rehearsal and the phone was ringing, I was trying to figure out what that noise was at first. After I get my bearings again and a bit to eat, I start back in and finish cleaning and moving and everything else that needed to be done. At 10:45pm my mom kicks me out and tells me I need to leave now because I still had to drive home. I do a few things around the house and a load of laundry and finally fall asleep for only a few hours before I have to be up and around and headed into work this morning hoping to be able to leave to go to the wedding. I did make it to the wedding and back to work on my lunch hour. Now I am ready for a nap, but off to bowling first. Doubt I bowl a 300 game tonight :)

Stainglass Mallard

This was a very big challenge to say the least. I was not able to start cutting this out until Christmas Eve morning, and this had to be done by the morning of the 26th. Which I made the deadline, but it was an all nighter. I finished the stainglass bears on Saturday morning, and had to my parents house for Christmas eve dinner of which I usually make every year. When I finished the bears, I realized I need to get some more supplies or I am not going to be able to finish this duck piece. The store I get my supplies is at least 40 miles away from my house. Not a quick trip to make. So I buy stuff for the dinner and head to my parents house, start the dinner going and mom and I head out on a quick road trip. I was in the store 8 minutes, the trip took me just over 2 hours from start to finish. Did I forget to mention that we were in the middle of getting my parents house ready for a wedding reception also, that took place today. Nothing like lots of deadlines for a holiday weekend. Mom and I got home in time to get ready to go to church for the Christmas eve service. After church we all sat down to dinner and then mom and I wrapped gifts for the kids so I could get home sooner to get back to working on this piece which was not completely cut yet. When I got home I was so tired from being up the night before finishing the bears that I fell asleep and didn't even work on the ducks. Christmas morning came, and I was not even in the holiday mood. It was the first time in 6 years that I woke up on Christmas morning and I was the only one in the house. No kids around with lots of excitement, nothing. So, needless to say I had absolutely no motivation. I finally made myself pick upsome stuff around the house, and put the gifts under the tree. I got dressed finally and went to pick up the kids at noon. They were excited to see me when I got there, they were handing me the gifts they had for me. That was a shock, didn't expect anything from them. We had a nice time on Christmas day. They let me work on the duck for a couple of hours, they like keeping me company as well when I am in my shop working. After the kids left at 9pm, I finished up some stuff around the house and started back on the duck at 11:30pm. I finished it finally at 7:30am just in time to get dressed and deliver it. A total of 14 hours was spent working on it this weekend. Sorry if the picture is hard to make out. I had to lean it against a light so you could get a feel for the colors of the glass. This is about 10 1/2" by about 11" or so. It is smaller than the bear height wise. The top piece of glass is clear with blue streaks thru it.

Stainglass Bears

This was a gift for my cousin. The glass portion is 10" x 14 5/16". My dad made the frame for me. This took me about 19 hours to do, and with 2 kids around, a lot of it was done late at night, but luckily I found a radio station that played nothing but Christmas music to keep me company. The second picture is leaning up against a small lamp so you can an idea of the different colors. A challenging piece to do. I was in the middle of doing this when I had to make the stainglass ornaments.

Stainglass Ornaments

Here are some ornaments I whipped up one night as a gift for the bowling Christmas party. The ornaments are laying on a sheet of 8 1/2" x 11" paper, to give you an idea of how big they are. My favorite one is the one in the middle. I just used what scrap glass I had to make these. I was in the middle of another glass project when I realized I need something to take as gift the next day. Nothing like waiting till the last minute. The circular one on the right actually is one piece of glass. One side is a dark red/purplish color and the other side is a gold iridescence.

Merry Christmas!!

Well it is Christmas Day!!! I am finishing up some cleaning around the house this morning, getting it ready for the kids when I get them at noon. I still went through some of the traditions last night, that I had when I was married, but in all honesty it just was not the same without the kids around to enjoy them with me. I managed to make it through the evening though. We went to church last night and had a nice candle lit service. I started to get into the spirit a little more when mom and I were wrapping the kids gifts. Nothing like waiting till the last minute to do that. I hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Christmas reality....

I have been asked by lots of my friends this year how the holiday are going for me. They had been going pretty well, but the more Christmas draw near, the more I rather just move on to spring and be done with winter. I use to have Christmas eve dinner with my parents and maybe my grandma if she did not have plans and anyone else in the family hanging around that night. The kids could listen to reports coming across the police scanner of spotting of Santa in the area, they loved it. But as this Christmas draws near, I dread it even more. I do not have the kids on Christmas eve this year, and I do not get them until noon on Christmas day. I will still fix dinner but it will be at my parents house instead of my house, so no reports of Santa in the area. Buying Christmas gifts this year for the kids isn't even fun anymore. I am sure the kids dad will out do me by a long shot, which is fine with me, they are hardly ever over there to play anyways. I was able to get a couple of big items for them to have under the tree this year, so all in all in should be a nice Christmas, I just need to get into the Christmas spirit now.

Fond memories that were never there......

As I was chatting with the kids about their weekend at dads, I ask them if they got to see there grandma (his mom) it has been awhile since I last new they saw her. They said no but the new wife went shopping with grandma while the kids were with me one day. For a moment my heart sank a bit, the acceptance of the new wife was hard to take for awhile. As the day went on that is all I could think about. Who asked who to go shopping? Then I realized, it really doesn't matter. She and I went shopping once in the 13yrs I was married to her son, and that is because she did not want to go to a football game that we all had tickets for so I stayed with her and we walked the mall. I actually enjoyed that time with her. But I am as much to blame for the lack of our relationship as she is. She never called to talk to me or her son for that matter. When she did call it was to see if we could come down like the next day, there was never any notice to anything she had going on. I never called her either to see if she wanted to do lunch or go shopping. Of course I hate shopping anyways, so that is probably one reason I never asked her. There just seemed to be this invisible force field between us every since we met, not sure why that is, could be because I was not very talkative that day, although I am not a talkative person around new people anyways. Could be also because I was very hung over and wearing a dress on a Sunday confined to a restaurant and forcing food into me hoping I would not have to see what I ate later on. I thought I did ok. Even through out our marriage there was never a bond between us, and now there is a bond between her and his new wife. You know what who cares, I hope for nothing for the best for him. I gave him everything I had to give in our marriage, and even after he ripped out my heart and torn it into thousands of pieces, smashed them into the ground and turned a walked away with out ever missing a beat. I would have lived with him till death do us part. But a marriage takes work and it takes 2 to make it work, and since the picture only had one person working on the marriage, it was time to move on for me. I truly am glad they like each other, that is a memory I do not really have anyways.

Diarrhea Book?

Kids do say the darnest things! My oldest child got some chapter books for beginning readers for chistmas and she was looking at them and when it was time to put them away she was talking to her little sister about them. Apperantly the little sister said something about the books and then I heard the oldest loudly correct her sister and say no they are diarrhea books. I hope she means that they are diary books of which they are not even that. Never a dull moment in my little world.

Teaser

For those who actually might be waiting to see some of my stainglass pieces. Hopefully, technology willing, I will have some pictures of some pieces posted by this weekend. I have 2 pieces that are still in process that have to be done by Monday.

It is time to move on!

It has been over a year since the divorce has been final, and I think it is time for me to move onward and upward to bigger and better things. I still have a lot of "healing" to do yet, and it is time to get moving on that. He has wasted no time in getting remarried in that years time, and I am ok with that. I know for sure now that I do not have to have a plan in place for that possible instance he might have a change of heart and actually admit that he was wrong and want to make things right. That was a lot of weight that was actually lifted off of me when he got remarried. Everyone has hope about one thing or another. I will admit that I had a lot of hope in the beginning that things would turn around between us, and as time moved on, he showed me that I really didn't need that hope, because that is not what he wanted anyways. So, what do I need to do to move on? It is time to work on forgiveness. Something I have been avoiding for quite sometime. I apparently would just rather be angry and bitter, but that is just very good for me to be that way. I am not angry and bitter about all that he did against me, the extracurricular activities he did, I could get past that. I am angry and bitter now about his responsibilities as a father, or lack there of. When you say you want to see the kids more than what is scheduled for you to see them, but do not go out of your way to make time for that. Then he can go for an entire week without seeing them, or even calling them. When he does have them for the weekend, he still has other stuff planned for himself with no regards for the kids. You know what, I am ok with that now. That is the way he is and that is the way he will always be. Unfortunately the kids will see that someday as well. It will not stop me from being there for the kids. My schedule is constantly done around the kids schedule first. His lack of engagement with the kids does not stop me from praying for him either. I just pray everyday that he is the best father that he knows how to be. Since the first step is to admit things, I think that is done. It is time to move on and actually work on the rest of the forgiveness. In the end I will be a better person for it. On a side note, I got an email from his wife at lunch time today. Normally, my blood boil and the hair would stand on the back of my neck, if I knew anything had to do with her. I actually opened it and read it. She just wanted to know if the facility that misinformed them last week called me. She emphasized that she meant nothing negative about the email. I actually sent her back a nice reply. Was very hard to do, but I did it.

Underwear shortage!?!

Well on Saturday I called the kids, they were at their dads for the weekend. I called around 5pm but he was outside and they were in the house, so I told him to have them call me. I continue on with my Christmas shopping along with the other thousands of people in the area. No wonder I hate shopping...lol. Anyways, 7pm rolls around and no phone call yet, so I call him again. After a fashion we finally were able to get a good connection where we both can hear the person on the other line. He says to me that they just got out of the tub and he was getting ready for them to call me. That is a nice story in his world. The first thing my oldest who is 6 says, did you pack my underwear? Mind you she spent last night there. I told her yes she has enough for all the days that she is going to be there. The she says well I already wore the ones for today...lol. Trying to get her to put on tomorrows was a chore as well, she didn't think her dad would let her do that. Life is never dull around here. Finally we get behind us and talk about the day and stuff then she informs me that she did not get breakfast. I am not sure why and really did not want to go there. I know he is standing there listening to her because I can hear him. Finally, I get to talk to my youngest who is almost 4. The first thing she wants to do is make sure that her big sister is taken care of, so she asks me if I packed underwear for her sister. So here we go again with that conversation. What gets me a little is that I know he at least has underwear for them in case things happen and he needs more than what I provide for the visit. Apparently they didn't want to wear the ones he had. I do not know, but I have never talked about underwear so much as I did that night.

Communication....or lack there of!?!

Yesterday the kids had lessons to go to after work. There dad was going to take them because it was his night of the week to have them this week. So after work I stop by and pick up a few things on my way home and drive around the parking lot where they are suppose to be by now to see if they are there. It had been snowing all day and I would not put it past him to use that as an excuse not to take them. (Side note the national weather service said we were going to get 5-8 inches of snow.....we got 2 inches maybe) I did not see any cars that I recognize as his, but I did see my friend going in and her kids are in the lessons as well. I continued home and went about my evening. I did ask the kids this morning when I picked them up to take them to school if they went to their lessons last night and they said no were we suppose to have them. So I set the former spouse a page to see if he took them to their lessons. I was not rude about it. He sent me an email back saying no they were canceled because of a previous commitment with the facilities. Which they were canceled last week because of a previous commitment. I sent him an email back saying when did they cancel because they were canceled last week for that. He sends an email back saying he called and that is what they were told on the phone. I simply responded back to him that the facility lied to you and that they did have the lessons last night, and I also told him that they usually call or put it on the radio if they are cancelled at the last minute. No response back after that. Later I get a call at work from the facility saying that his now wife wanted the facility to call me and explain to me what happen last night. Like I care, I knew that he or she was given the wrong information when they called. Of course they could not call and talk to me about it, they have to have someone else do it for them. I sign the girls up for their lessons, they hardly ever take them to the lessons, maybe once a month. You would think that they could call me to see if I knew about the cancellation policy for circumstances like bad weather. I have no idea why they do not like to talk to me, I do not like talking to him in person because what I usually have to talk about is scheduling for the kids and he cannot commit to anything until he consults his wife first. Yep, he is his first priority in his life. Or, he will not talk to me in person unless she is with him....I am not doing that anymore....been there done that....It just turns into her telling me how it is my fault the marriage fell apart. Newsflash I am not the one that had the extracurricular activities until one was found worth keeping....his wife now. Oh well I only have 14 more yrs to perfect the communication, like that is ever going to happen.

Communication?

Yesterday, I finally received pre-school pictures that were taken awhile ago. The former spouse ordered pictures as well, so after I dropped the kids back off at daycare, I stopped by his work to give him his pictures so I did not have to worry about them, since it was going to be a few days before he had the kids again. I called him and told him I was almost there and why I was stopping by. He met me outside, all the door are locked anyways, and I gave him his pictures and he said thanks. Then he is standing there like he wants to say something to me, or expects me to say something to him. I absolutely hate even seeing him anymore. When someone has been so dishonest and unfaithful as he was in the the 13yrs of marriage with absolutely no regrets for his actions, I really do not even want to talk to him period, but he thought it would be a good idea to have kids during all of that, so I have no choice but to communicate with him. I did not know about all of his "extra curricular activities" until my youngest was almost 1yr old. If he has something to say to me fine I will listen, but I am not holding my breath on that either. I have said everything I care to say to him.

Joys of Christmas....A child's Smile!

It has been a busy time with the kids lately. On Saturday my mom and I took the my 2 kids and met my twin sister and her husband and daughter at the mall, so the kids could chat with Santa. They all had a good time, mostly trying to push parents buttons, but all and all it went well. We stopped by my grandma on the way home to visit real quick. On Sunday I got the kids all dressed up in there Christmas attire for the childrens program at church. They had to do 2 performances, one for each service. My youngest was in the first group, they sang Away In A Manger, with hand motions, and then sang Jingle Bells. Here are about 12 little ones with jingle bells to ring while singing, which most of them had the bells just a going around in circles on their little strings. Yep, you guessed it a few managed to lift off....lol. My child's was one of the first to go. I thought there was going to be tears as we just stared at our bell laying on the floor three steps down from us, but she just stared at it, then picked it up and announced her bell was broke. During the second performance she announced that she did not want a bell. My oldest had a speaking part. She did great. All the kids had a great time. The best part for them all I think was the bag of candy they got at the end. Later my mom and I took the kids to go Christmas shopping, I took one child to shop for her sister, while mom took the other to shop for me, then we switched. Mind you the kids are 6 and almost 4yr old. Trying to get them to keep a secret is not easy....lol. They had a great time. Grandma helped them wrap their treasures and they got to put them under the tree. The youngest announced to me that my(item she bought which she said what it was) would not fit under the tree, and was not happy with it sitting just outside of the tree. This is the first year that Christmas has actually been fun for me so far. I still miss a lot of things that I use to do, but I have started some new ones. The smiles from the kids, even though they have their dads smile, is still a joy to me. We have played in the snow, read lots of Christmas books, watched lots of Christmas movies, and all with a grin from ear to ear. Doesn't get much better than that.

Could Feel Guilty!?!

Yesterday I left work early mostly to pick up the house a bit, and because I had all my stuff done at work and just wanted to get out for awhile. I had an appointment right after work anyways, but that got cancelled because of the snow storm that rolled through and dumped about 12 inches, but according to the radio it was only 8 inches. I had asked the former spouse if he could watch the kids for me because of my appointment, and he agreed to and he wanted them for the night, so I agreed to that as well, being the nice person that I am. Since the appointment got cancelled I was going to call him up and see if I could take the kids instead of him, because I knew he had to drive his new wife to a medical facility in the morning for some kind of a procedure, and thought that it might be nice if he did not have to deal with the kids in morning especially if the school is delayed or cancelled. Then I decided not to, he can deal with all that for once, and I get and evening to myself. An evening of sitting by the fireplace watching movies and checking on the snow falling outside. I did get a lot accomplished around the house as well. This morning I was even able to get up early and shovel out all the snow that we did get, with out having to worry about getting the kids up and around on time. I would not have been able to do that if I did have them for the evening. I would have had to shovel out tonight and miss that time to be with the kids. Do I feel guilty this morning that he had to drive almost 20 miles in the opposite direction before driving 40 miles to the medical facility, the morning after a large accumulation of snow. NO I DO NOT. Welcome to my world.....lol.

Look What I Got!!

Well it is that time of year that most of the schools have a little work shop for kids to go and buy some gifts for their families for Christmas. My 6yr kept hounding me to give her money so she could go buy stuff. Yes, she loves to shop. So, she and I go after I pick her up and we pick up a few items for her sister and grandmas and grandpas, and I even told her to buy one for her dad. After we are all done, I step out and wait for her to finish her shopping for me. She comes bounding out with a big grin on her face and away we go, heading back to the car. On the walk back to the car she announces that she is going to show me what she got me when we get to the car, and I try to explain to her that no she is suppose to wait and give them to me on Christmas Day. Well in the car, I can hear her opening up the bag and checking out her buys. She then announces to me, Mom look at this. I try to ignore her, but to no avail. She still has a big smile on her face and tis the season, it is the thought that counts this time of year. Today she had another big smile on her face when I picked her up from school because she got all the prizes she won from her fundraising that she did for the school. She was so excited about it all. Being a single mom now with primary custody of a 6yr and almost 4yr can be trying at times, and even make you wonder if you did the right thing with the divorce, but when you see the big smiles on their faces, you know you got the better part of the deal. Life is to short to miss the smiles.

I am happier now!!!

While I was bowling last night, one of the ladies stepped up to me and said that she saw the notice in the paper of my former husband getting married last month. We chatted briefly about it, she wanted to know a little about the other woman, blah, blah, blah. She said that things will get better for me, and I told her that I am already better off now than I was before. She said that she was talking to her friend a few weeks ago and they both noticed that I seem to be a lot happier now than I was before. I agreed I think I am a lot happier now, but it is because of all the stuff that has gone on in my life the past 3 years that has made me change, not the fact that I am no longer married. It was not an easy decision to give up in a marriage of 13yrs, but it was what had to be done for me and my kids. I have had to work really hard to move on in my life this past year and a half, and my happiness was not really a big issue I ever concentrated on. My whole world has pretty much been centered around my kids. Wasn't until these last few months that I have realized that I can do fun things for myself now and not feel guilty about it.

Wish I missed it?

All day I watched the snow fall outside my office window. As the day ended and the kids were done with all their activities, I had the task of cleaning the snow off of my sidewalks. As I was shoveling away, I realized that this was one of the tasks that did not bother me to do being single now. I suppose it is because I mostly cleaned off the sidewalks most of the time when I was married. Just another thing that he did when he had time for it, or felt like doing it that day. Maybe it was because I am kind of a perfectionist and didn't like the way he did it, been so long since he had cleaned the walks that I cannot remember if I like the way he did it or not. Must have been one of those times that I complained to him for not having it done yet and he did n't like it when I did that, so he would just half heartily make an attempt to clean them off to get me off his back. After awhile I realized that if something needed done around the house I was going to have to do it myself. Either way that is one task I am ok with, the only regret I have in doing it is that it takes time away from me that I could have to spend with the kids, but lots of time they are out with me with their own little shovels putting the snow back on the sidewalks. I don't mind that anymore either, they are having fun and that is the important part to me now.