After the meeting, I just had all this anger built up inside of me. I realized I was mad at him for not trying to make the marriage work. He never did anything that the counselors asked of him, etc. I realized that it was not about what he was going to loose in ending the marriage, it was what he was going to be gaining when the marriage was over. The list of gains is much greater than the loses, if the loses were really considered. You see he has gotten everything he has ever wanted in a year and a half after the divorce was final. So, it wasn't about me, it was about getting to be a farmer finally, and having the truck you always wanted, and the list goes on. This all clear to me when he called me to switch the appointment at the last minute. The excuse had to do with being a farmer, which his is third job, not his main job. I am not knocking farmers by the way, I grew up driving a tractor every summer, but it is different when you never set foot on a farm until 2 years ago. Anyways, finally realizing that it is truly not about you but other things is a big accomplishment I think.
1 comment:
But as we learned in DivorceCare... one person can be trying their best to save a marriage and since God has given us freewill to make our choices one person can still choose to walk away.
When we acknowledge our faults in the marriage it is freeing and healing. I made mistakes but I tried my best to save my marriage. The fact that he will not stop dating long enough to try to fix it tells me he is not trying to fix it.
I gave him reasons to stay as I'm sure you did as well, it just happens to be that whole freewill thing that gets in the way sometimes.
Hang in there!
Post a Comment