An Interesting Meeting!

The former spouse and myself had an apt. With the sprouts venting specialist, at her request. I told her to set up the time when he could be there. I was not going to set it up, that never works anymore. We discussed some of the issues the sprouts are having, he blamed the fowl language from the 4yr on me and daycare. Daycare maybe, but it is used in practically every sentenced that comes from him, but I just let it go. Was nice to have a third party run the show that had no ties to us. She just wanted to make sure that both households pretty much use the same discipline techniques as stuff like that. I was really and very nice meeting. I was not all that thrilled with having to have the time changed at the last minute to an hour later, but he did call me and ask if that would be ok. I told him I was not making that call he had to, if they could accommodate the new time, then I will be there.

After the meeting, I just had all this anger built up inside of me. I realized I was mad at him for not trying to make the marriage work. He never did anything that the counselors asked of him, etc. I realized that it was not about what he was going to loose in ending the marriage, it was what he was going to be gaining when the marriage was over. The list of gains is much greater than the loses, if the loses were really considered. You see he has gotten everything he has ever wanted in a year and a half after the divorce was final. So, it wasn't about me, it was about getting to be a farmer finally, and having the truck you always wanted, and the list goes on. This all clear to me when he called me to switch the appointment at the last minute. The excuse had to do with being a farmer, which his is third job, not his main job. I am not knocking farmers by the way, I grew up driving a tractor every summer, but it is different when you never set foot on a farm until 2 years ago. Anyways, finally realizing that it is truly not about you but other things is a big accomplishment I think.

Homework Complete?

I have been working on the forgiveness part of my life lately. Apparently I was suppose to be working on it as well, because everything I came across the last few days was about forgiveness in some way or another. My horoscope even had it in it one day. So, I tackled it, kind of. I wrote a letter to my younger sister for all the hurt she has caused me over the years. I tried to talk to her about all of it a few years ago and she ignored me, like I was not even in the room, so I really have not spoken that much to her since. Writing the letter was hard to do, I am an engineer for one not an English major....lol, and I really did not know what I wanted to say to her, but I started it and a page and a half later and a few more tears I completed it. I will probably mail it to her later this week, I meet with the vent specialist tonight and we will probably discuss it.

I know that discussing things face to face is better than putting it in writing and giving it to the other person, but if the other person is not willing to talk to you face to face they normally will read what you have to say in a letter form. Nobody really wins either way, but I glad I did write the letter, I felt a load lifted off of me when I was done with it. As much as it hurt to write about some stuff, I really did not have the anger in me when I was writing it, so I think that is a step towards progress.

As far as forgiveness for my former spouse, I think I have reached that point. I am not going to write a letter to him, that never works period. I just pray about it, and give him over to god to deal with him. I have seen him a couple of times recently at the sprouts functions for school and ballgames, and I really do not care what he does there, or who he is with. I just do my thing and be done with it. If they (wife and ex) have something they want to discuss with me and it is about the kids, I listen and give input were needed and move on my way.

Stainglass "Story Time"

This was done from a pattern I found online called "Story Time" from Creative Designs by Stephanie and Spectrum Glass. I changed some of the colors that were called out in the pattern, mostly because I could not get them in time to get the piece done on time. I added the clear glass around the girls to make it easier to hang as a panel. It is a 12" x 13" piece. The clear glass has a textured ripple in it. She is wearing a dark purple dress, and has tan colored hair. It was a challenging piece to do, I re-cut a couple of pieces because I was not happy with they way it was turning out. So needless to say I did not get it done when I wanted to get it done, but I did finish it this morning in time to give it to my daughters teacher.

Do you have something you want to tell me?

This weekend the sprouts and I along with my mom set out to do the new season change out of clothes for them. My favorite time, NOT! As I was getting the clothes for them to try on, I hear a wack and then tears started to flow from the youngest. I ask the oldest if she had hit her sister and she proceeds to tell me the whole story of which was not matching my moms who sat there and saw the whole thing, so she storms up to her room for a bit. We proceed with the trying on of clothes and sorting out the short shorts and mid drift shirts, and decide what gets handed down to the youngest for this summer. I hear the oldest "sneaking" downstairs, so I ask her if she has anything that she wants to say she says "No" she does not have anything to say, so I show her the red mark on the youngest back that she made and told her that she needs to go think about it some more. I then go and have a chat with her, and she just does not want to apologize to her younger sister. A great night is mounting I can tell. Finally, she comes down and stands in the middle of things and the youngest turns and with arms folded, looks and her and says, "Do you have something you want to tell me?" Now I am having a hard time keeping a straight face on that one, and her sister didn't really like that comment, but eventually they made up and were friends by the evenings end. Yeah! That was Saturday.

On Sunday, we all got up and ready for church. Usually my mom goes to church with us, but she was headed to my sisters to help out again this weekend on the basement as sprout #2 will be arriving there this summer. I was not to worried about not having her at church because the sprouts go to the gym for the childrens portion of church for the entire first service, and I had to run the computer for the first service, you know put the words to the songs up on the screen at the right time and the versus for the sermon and all of that. I have done that for a while now. During about the second song of the worship service, my youngest appear. Mind you the computer is in the front of the first pew, and the church can seat probably 500 people. So I tell her to go around and sit in the pew, then the second sprout appears, now my bloodpressure is rising because I know I am going to have to referee soon and keep up with the words to the next 4 songs. With the pastor and his wife behind me by the wall and I am near the center aisle, the youngest wants to lay down, fine, except NO she wants to lay on her sister. HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM! They slowly made in thru the offering song, and now the sermon comes and all they hear from me is, blah, blah, blah. Finally, I told the oldest to go back down to the gym, she gets up and walks towards the wall and back down that aisle, I glance up to see the youngest heading down center aisle, only to stop half way down. Now, the two are mirroring each other. I am really not happy now. The youngest cam back and I glanced back to see if the oldest came back as well and caught the eye of the pastors wife, she got up and walked the youngest downstairs where they stayed. I thanks the pastors wife, and she said no problem, she has two the same age as well, except boys. After the sermon, I went to copy sermons onto my thumb drive so that I can burn the CD's for that service later, and while I was doing that the sprouts made their way back upstairs and were impatient with me waiting, so they were walking back and forth on the pews. Why is it that kids always know where the big red button is and exactly what precise time to push on it....lol. When we got to the car they wanted to know if we were still going to the movies, "OH NO, We are going back to grandmas for a bit then home." And they were only disappointed for a moment no tears or anything. Lucky me!

What a weekend!

Where has the time gone?

WOW, May is half over with, how did that happen? School is almost over with for the year, and frankly I think I am more excited about that than the kids. I have done some much running around in dropping them off and picking them up that I need a break for a bit. Last night my kindergarteners school program to place. I would say maybe eighty students at most to part. They sang about 10 interactive songs for all you gathered to watch. It was fun to watch them all, some got into it and some didn't. One little girl in the front row was all decked out in her finest attire and just watch for some songs and participated in others, it was cute. One song was audience participation based, each student had to pick someone from their family to dance with them and then freeze every now and then when the music stopped. Luckily mine chose her dad who was there with all is Fire Crew Buddies. Yep, they were taking photos for incriminating circumstances later I am sure. I did get it all on video as well as I could.

Afterwards, the spouts and my parents and I went and got some ice cream then called it an evening. A fun evening at that.

Stay tune for a new stainglass pic to be posted hopefully by Monday.

What A Great Weekend!!

It was a big bowling weekend for me this weekend. On Saturday I went to the sprouts first ball game of the year. They did great and had a good time. It is fun watching the little ones play ball. After the ball game, I packed up the car and headed to Michigan City for the Indiana Womens State Bowling Tournament. When I got to the hotel, my team was next door grabbing a bite to eat and a few drinks, so I joined them to par take as well. We relaxed for a bit before heading to the bowling alley to bowl the doubles and singles event. I threw very well in both doubles and singles. I even won $50 on top of that. Made my day. There was no cell reception in the alley, which made some people mad. I always turn my ringer off on my phone anyways. I missed my oldest calling me, and it was to late for me to call back. After we were done we made our way back to the hotel which was 20 miles away for that alley, then off to the casino it was for some of us. At 1am we were in the car heading back to the hotel which was only 3 miles away, looking for food along the way. At Rally's crossed our path so there was dinner.

6AM come up quickly for some of us, as we had to be at the other bowling alley by 8am to bowl the team event. Thank god that alley was only a few miles away. We got our team picture taken and the national anthem done and ready to warm up for the team event. After throwing 6 games a few hours ago, I knew I did not want to stick my fingers in the ball, let alone lift it up. Sure enough my ring finger was protesting a bit, and I did not know I was throwing a fifty pound ball as well....lol.....at least that is what it felt like.....lol. After struggling a bit the first game, I managed to throw very good games for me at least. I went in with a 142 average and I threw a 158 average for the 9 games I threw this weekend. So, I am very pleased with that. I think I placed really well in singles and should get some money back. That will be nice. I have to wait until next weekend when the tournament ends. It has been going on for a few months now.

I was whipped when I got home Sunday afternoon. I tried to call the sprouts when I got done bowling. They were eating lunch and he would have them call me back when they were done. I was ok with that, I just wanted to let the oldest know I got her message, but it was late when I was able to call her Saturday night. I dropped a couple of girls off on my way home because their ride was going to the casino afterwards and they did not want to go, so they hitched a ride with me. After grabbing a bite to eat and filling the car back up with gas, I called it an evening. Around 7:30pm I called the sprouts again, because they had not called me back. Their dad said that he would have them call me right back on the house phone, because I called his cell phone and he does not always get great reception on his cell phone at his house. The sprouts did finally call me and we chatted for a bit. They wanted to know if I was coming to get them tonight and I told them no they were staying with their dads tonight I will get them tomorrow. They always stay at his house on Sunday night of his weekend unless he is working on Sundays, then I will get them. I found out the real reason that he had them call me on the house phone was because he was not there he was out hunting. He had to call home to have them call me. Anyways the kids and I had a nice chat. I finally called it an evening, around 8pm.

I was glad I just had to get myself around this morning for work, I did not even want to get up I was still whipped from the weekend, but off I went so I could post this entry....lol.

I get to be the "mean" parent!!

Upon picking up the sprouts from their dads on Sunday, making my way through the information that I needed to give him but had to give to his wife because he was at work, she finally goes through her list of things to tell me. One, the oldest fell and cut the palm of her hand and she went on to explain how they treated the "injury", like that was a concern for me, their dad works in the medical field sometimes. Two, they were not sure if the youngest really had a headache on Saturday or was just playing them. THEY GOT PLAYED AGAINST. Sprout 1 Dad 0. Three, apparently there was some aggressive behavior and attitude at daycare on Friday from the youngest sprout, which this is the first time I am hearing of it. They have tried to deal with it this weekend and curb it some. They make sprout go to room for the evening, which means nothing to sprout. Anyways, some of the attitude involves language, which she tried to tell me that she has told their dad that he needs to watch what he says or he is going to end up in the principles office someday. I just told her "Good Luck with that". Four, as she is putting two chocolate bars in the pocket of the suitcase, she is explaining where they came from. Apparently the sprouts helped their dad on Saturday deliver some stuff. The guy is was delivering to bought the sprouts the candy bars, but for some reason they could not eat them, ALL WEEKEND. Now, I get to be the mean parent and tell them NO they can not have them right now either because it is almost bedtime, they can have them tomorrow. I could not tell if she told me that they do not or do allow the kids to have candy there. If you are not going to let them eat the candy soon do not buy it for them, or let some one else buy it for them. Granted, the sprouts are not big candy eaters, they do get candy now and then, but they do not live on it. The youngest was not very pleased when I said NO you have to wait until tomorrow. Got it on Saturday, could not have it all day Sunday, now has to wait another day. Does not go ever well with them. My shoulders are big enough for that. They are use to me telling them NO now. Now I know why I get all the candy sent home with them, which usually ends up getting tossed anyways.

Homework Assignment!?!

Friday night I had an appointment with my Venting Specialist (Counselor). She gave me homework to do, which I am not that keen on this assignment. She knows I will most likely do the assignment, which sucks from my end. :) She is usually right all the time, which I hate as well. She gets a kick out of it though. :)

The homework I have to do is on Forgiveness. You see I still have not really forgiven my former spouse for all of the infidelity, lies, and pain he has done to me over the 13yrs of marriage. It has been 2yrs since I filed for a divorce and 1 1/2yrs since it has been final, and I rather just remain angry about things, than to let them go and move on. WHY? (I hate that as a follow up question!!!! :) ) I have no idea why I keep the anger. Is it because I think he will get his way again like he always did? Is it because I am still holding out for an apology for all the hurt that I never did get? And if I did get one now, I would not believe that it has sincerity with it anyways.

Why is forgiving so hard to do? I think it is kind of like giving in, either way I lose. I know that is not what it is meant for. I have to be ok with forgiving him, and convincing myself that what he did was not ok, but it is ok for me to release to him from all the stuff that he did to me, i.e. the lies, hurt, and the adultery. Yeah right, I am going to get right on that.

In all reality, I will be working on it. It is about time to move a step up on the recovery ladder. To bad I have a slight fear of heights.....lol.

I think I got a Cavity!!!

This weekend I got alot done around the house. The sprouts were with their dad this weekend, first time since the first of the month. Saturday morning, I got up early and ran a few errands before going to go watch the youngest at ball practice. The oldest had "spring training" for summer ball at the school. I was going to watch practice because I thought that the coach would have the schedules to hand out, and I wanted to make sure that I got one. There is still a trust issue with former spouse and myself, in him getting me information when he gets it. Anyways, when I was running a few errands, he called me, but I missed the call so I called back and spoke to his wife, who is one of the reasons for the divorce. She told me that the "spring training" was in the morning not afternoon so sprout would not be at team practice, which I already knew that, and youngest was complaining of headache so wife was not going to take her to practice. My blood pressure rose a bit, as youngest is playing them with the headache. Score: Youngest 1 Dad 0. The wife tells me that they wanted to let me know that so I would not have to drive all that way to the practice. I call the coach of the team to see if he has schedules to hand out to today, he says he does, so I go anyways. He did not know the sprouts would not be there, of course not, that would mean their dad would have to think of someone other than himself in that case. (venting done there) I pick up the schedules and return back home. I did alot of work outside around the house. I am in the middle of repairing the yard, that has been in need of attention for years, slowly but surely it is coming along. I started to dismantle the 6 foot satellite dish that has been a lawn ornament for years, and I am tired of mowing around it, and hitting my head on it. A friend came over to help me lower it to the ground, where I could finish taking it apart. Now I just need to get my dad down to cut the pole off since it was cemented in then covered with dirt. I called the sprouts later in the afternoon. I could only talk to the oldest because the youngest was sleeping. She had a great time at her "sprint training". I told former spouse that the youngest played them this morning with the headache, he really did not have anything to say about it. On Sunday, I had my final bowling night for one league, then I had to go pick up the sprouts and bring them home. Normally they spend Sunday night of their dads weekend with him, but he had to work today, so when he works on Sundays I pick them up. This my favorite thing to do, pick up the sprouts when it is just his wife there. I would rather have a root canal done than interact with her, but I put on my fake smile and was polite about things. They never have the sprouts ready for me, even if I do call ahead of time, so I have to wait for them to get everything around. I had some stuff to give the her, since he was not there anyways, which is really a mute point, because he just hands it over to her anyways. I gave her the ball shirts and hats for them to use this weekend, since they will have the sprouts again, and their first game is Saturday. I gave her my money for the ball pictures which are going to be taken this weekend as well and I will be out of town this weekend. I gave her the receipt for the "spring training" that came home from school and did not make the suitcase this weekend. She told me about a cut on the oldest hand, and that the youngest was not very good at daycare on Friday, and wanted to know if the headache was real or not on saturday. I just smiled and answered all the questions politely and left. When I got in the car, I think I felt a cavity being formed from being to sugary sweet. I will admit that is really not me. Don't get me wrong, inside I am a very nice person and will bend over backwards for most anyone. I really do not like sugar coating things. I am slowly trying to change that as well, but it is hard to teach old dogs new tricks. I have intimidated people all my life, at least that is the way I come across to some people before I even have seen a word to them, I have no idea why that is, and I do not do that intentionally. I was not raised to be a mean or intimidating person. But I just hate sugar coating, (sucking up) to people that I think do not deserve it either.